I'm alive!

I know, I have not written in months! School kept me so busy it was crazy. Don't teachers know I have blogging to do? But I am done for the semester, with my first 4.0 tucked safely under my belt. (Oh yeah, taht's right, a 4.0. And thats going to school full time, working full time, and taking care of two dudes, well...three if you count the big dude. Phew, I'm tired just thinking about it!)

But I am alive, I swear! Now that school is over, I'm frantically getting ready for Christmas. No pressre, but it's only two days away!

If I survive the presents, the food,and everything else, I'll write again. If you don't hear from me..send help.

Songs That Make Us Sing Saturday!

I love the Backstreet Boys. Don't laugh! I've been a crazy stalker obsessed fan since I was 15. And when I say obsessed, I'm so not kidding. For years my poor hubby had to go to sleep with a poster of AJ above our bed. (God I'm lucky he loves me!) No matter the day I have, any BSB song comes on and I'm instantly cheered up! So nothing makes me want to sing more then one of their songs. And my fav?? Everybody (Backstreet's Back) I even could do the dance! And this song always reminds me of the first BSB concert I went to, even though I've been to hundreds more since then.

I linked up with Not Just Another Mom of Twins and Because I'm the Mommy, the two people behind Songs That Make Us Sing Saturday. Check out their blogs, and share what song makes you wanna sing!

Remember When?

I remember when.....

People wore slap bracelets and Bart Simpson t-shirts.

I had my first kiss.

I found out I was pregnant with my first child.

Rap was about more then booty.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child.

We didn't have to lock our doors.

I'd take coffee to school in the 6th grade.

Alternative meant flannels and Kurt Cobain.

I got detention for the first time.

Gas was $2.

I caught lightning bugs in jars.

NKOTB was huge.

The Showplace Theater showed movies.

Being threatened I'd get sent to Father Baker.

People pinned and rolled their pants.

Prom night/graduation/Senior breakfast.

The original Thunder Cats, He Man, GI Joe, Smurfs, and the Snorks.

Writing for the Buffalo News.

Summer meant three months of being outdoors.

I fell off of a horse.

Cross colors.

I first met my husband.

MTV played music videos.

The POS broke my heart.

The Challenger exploded.

"If it doesn't fit,you must acquit."

Teased hair and AquaNet.

Scrunchies.

The Ozone didn't have such a big hole.

Kids worked out their differences by fighting, not shooting.

Mmm Bop.

What do you remember?

Writer's Workshop - Don't Ask, Don't Tell

I love my husband. I do. But my poor, sweet, honest husband has had to learn a thing or two about the little white lie. Like he should use it. Often. For the sanity of our relationship, here's ten things that I have decided are the hot button topics that no matter what his answer is, he is guaranteed a night on the couch, or I will be guaranteed to have a "headache."

1. Does this dress make me look fat? Obviously if I'm asking him this, I feel fat. But my husband is a nice, honest guy. You can guess where his honesty landed him!

2. Don't you remember I said that already? If I'm repeating myself, no, he didn't remember. And then I get all angry because I think he doesn't pay attention to me, and then he winds up  on the couch.

3. Can we stop and ask for directions? Before smart phones that slice and dice and are GPS ready, we got lost. A lot. And hubby says he knows where he's going, and it's just up ahead. Two hours later, we're in Pittsburgh.

4. Do you want to go shopping with me? No man likes to go shopping. I can't think of any other question that will make him run screaming from the room like that!

5. Have you seen the credit card? Unlike the hubs, I am a shopper. I love the mall. And he knows if I'm trying to hunt down the credit card, he's going to have a heart attack when the bill comes next month.

6. and 7. Aren't you done yet? You're done already? Enough said.

8. Did you forget today's our anniversary/Valentines day/etc? What is it about guys? They can remember who threw the fastest curve ball to score the touchdown. (I know, I totally just mixed sports didn't I?) But when it comes to remembering your anniversary...."I thought it was tomorrow." DOH!

9. Do you think <insert famous singer/actress name here> is prettier then me? You really don't want the answer to this. I have thankfully never asked this, but I could only imagine how long the hubs would be couch bound if I did and didn't like the answer!

10. Is that a grey hair? Totally mean, and not appreciated. But, I got him back. The hubs is going to be thirty-seven this year, and he gets the heebie jeebies when I joke that he's like the crypt keeper!

Mama Kat totally inspires me, and got me out of the school books again!

Writer's Workshop - The Bucket List

I am 31 years old.

And I've never.....

1. Climbed Mt Kilimanjaro.



2. Traveled cross country.

3. Taken a cruise. (Do you see a travel theme here?)

4. Learned to speak Chinese.

5. Rode the white water rapids.

6. Been on a roller coaster and not been scared.



7. Gone over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

8. Eaten blowfish.

9. Told someone's Achy Breaky Heart anything.

10. Watched a scary movie in the dark.

11. Learned to swim.

12. Found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.



13. Learned the dougie.

14. Found an oasis in the desert.

15. Helped a women give birth in an elevator.

16. Seen Ryan Gosling naked. (YUM!)

17. Run with the bulls.



18. Laughed so hard I spit something out of my nose.

19. Figured out what O.P.P. meant.

20. Streaked.

21. Met a queen. Or a princess. Or some lowly third cousin removed from royalty.

22. Been happier then I am right now.

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop does it again!! She is awesomely inspiring! Or maybe I'm just trying to avoid homework.

Writer's Workshop-I'm from where????

I am from road trips to a Wonderland, and Coring, Finger Lakes and shrines, from Aqua Net and dresses for every occasion.

I am from the the ranch house where the wood crests that has no less then 200 lights for Christmas or Halloween, shining brightly in my bedroom window so I could stay up all night and read.

I am from gardens full of flowers, and a mom who still believes she has to yell at them to make them grow bigger, from weeping willows and potted trees.

I am from all day Christmases, and all day Thanksgivings, and all day Easters and curly hair, from Richard and Ludy, John and Genevieve.

I am from playtime imagination and hard work because of love. I am from stubbornness, and laughter and comedy and books.

From "If you don't listen you'll go to Father Baker's," and "Yes honey, your stuffies do come to life at night and play while you're sleeping. But if you don't go to sleep then they won't get to play." From words in Tagalog that I still don't know what they mean, but I know by my mom's tone they can't be good.

I am from Catholicism, and communion, but mostly from atheism. He stopped listening, and I stopped talking.

I’m from Sabres land, and a correspondence course that connected perogies to Imelda Marcos. Carrot cake and lumpias. Burning my mouth on hot out of the oil, better then an egg roll lumpias, and begging for more.

From the scar on my knee from when I was six, trying on all of my mom's high heeled shoes, the clack of the heel striking the tile, and the way my dad rushed to my side because I was crying. From a kiss and a band aid that made me get back up and do it all over again, with the same results.

I am from the largest cabinet collection of photo albums known to man, crafted carefully by my mother, who took pictures of every movement, in case we forget. From a ten gallon Tupperware container full of yearbooks, notes. letters, pictures, dried flowers, and every newspaper article I wrote. From a hallway that chronicles the sweetest moments.

I am from a family that loves and fights and loves some more.

Thanks to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop for making me want to put down my homework and write about something that did not involve the legal system!

School Year Blues

It's almost the end of July. Which means the end of August is only a few short weeks away. And you know what that means is right round the corner...

That's right. The first day of school.

#1 is going to the 7th grade this year, so this is a routine we know very well. The school supply scramble. The sifting thru clothes, figuring out what new outfits he needs. Trying to get him back into a routine of going to bed early, etc. By now, we're pros.

What I never knew I'd have to deal with is other people's kids. Last year was #1's first year in middle school. And his first year being bullied. Some was from older kids, you know, the I'm in 8th grade so I'm just so cool type. But some was from kids he had classes with, or waited for the bus with. Some was kids being stupid, but some was flat out mean.

There wasn't alot. But there was enough.

We've always taught him that violence is not the answer,and you're nice to everyone no matter what. But last year is the first year that we had to have a bigger talk with him. How there are kids that are just mean, and they just want attention, and the best thing to do is ignore them. We've taught him the difference between stupid mean and mean mean. And while I won't let him see it, it takes every restraint I have not to go hunt down those kids and kick some 6th grade booty! I know that would defeat the whole violence is not the answer speech, but my momma bear instincts want to teach those meanies a lesson!

I know I can't fight his battles for him. But how can I not look at my baby, my first, my oldest, my sweet and funny and caring child, and not want to pop him in a bubble?

It breaks my heart seeing him frustrated and upset because some kid didn't like his backpack. I know that he'll find out about the world, and all the different people in it sooner or later, but why does it have to be sooner instead of later?

But that leaves us at a crossroads. Do we continue to push the "ignore them?" Or do we teach him what to do if, and that's a big IF, someone one day crosses the line? The hubs says yes. I'm less sure.

What would you do if it was your child?

The Restaurant and The Mob

We have become that family that other people glare at when we go out to eat. That's right, we're the parents of a two year old.

I don't know what it is about restaurants. #2 can be a completely happy and wonderful baby before hand. Like this:

But as soon as we cross the doors of a restaurant he is a rowdy, riled up,screeches his head off, demon child. (I'd show you a picture, but I had my hands full trying to calm him down!)

This isn't our first time at the rodeo. We battled two year old toughness before. But maybe it's because we've gotten older, or maybe #2 is a new breed of toddler that's going to conquer the world by screeching us to death.

We bring toys, and our phones, keys, his blankie, at least two stuffies...and we got nothing. He won't sit in his high chair. He doesn't want to sit at the table. He doesn't want to eat, but he doesn't want the food to be taken away. He doesn't want the waitresses to come over. He also doesn't want them to stay away.  And he his very..eh hem...vocal..about what he wants.

Which in turn leads people to stare. And I get it, I do. They wanted to come out and enjoy a nice meal, and my child keeps throwing his french fries at them and screaming (I'm exaggerating....but only about the french fries.)

But people don't just stare. They roll their eyes and give us dirty looks. Which I think is a little uncalled for. Have they ever been around a toddler? Sometimes they just have to wail. For whatever reason it just so happens to always be when we're out to dinner, but still.  I totally give the dirty looks back, but am I expecting too much to think people could be more understanding? Or at lest less rude? I don't glare at the other moms, dads and baby sitters with the screaming children because I've been there! I feel your pain! Shouldn't people extend the same?

What do you think? Have you been caught out in public between a crying little person and a mob of angry glarers?

The Family Bed

So last night was day a zillion of #2 sleeping in our bed. (Ok. so it may not be a zillion, but it's getting close.)

I love #2. He's so little, and so stinking cute that you just have to love him. (I'm not just saying that either, he really is!) But, he has a perfectly nice, big bedroom with a perfectly nice little bed/convertible crib/daybed contraption in it where he really should sleep.

But does he?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Instead, we get this...

And to make things worse, he's a tosser. And a turner. And a "I'm going to hit you in the mouth with my adorable little two year old foot at 2 a.m. because I can."

I long, long LONG for the days when the hubs and I had the bed to ourselves. (Get your mind outta the gutter, I'm talking about sleeping!) When I didn't wake up to a little person who just rolled on top of me, and then was mad I was in HIS way! When I wasn't scrunched hanging over the edge of the bed because #2 kept squeezing me out, inch by inch.

We have tried everything. Lots of snuggling in his room, bedtime stories, staying in his room until he falls alseep and then you have to sneak out like a hot footed burglar, except you stepped on the squeaky part and now you woke him up.

He has Christmas lights in his room because we thought he was afraid of the dark. We have tried pleading, begging, bribing...at least as much as you can do all of the above with a little person. Nope. He steadfastly refuses to sleep in his bed.

The only thing we haven't tried is sleep training. But I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't. Could you look at this cute little face and sleep train him?

I can't. It'd break my heart. And his. But mine more I think.

So now what?

Extreme Couponers

Has any one seen Extreme Couponing on TLC? I love it. I have decided I want to be a crazy extreme couponer with stockpiles worth three small cars. At least I will when I find another fifty hours in a week (seriously! That's how much time the people on that show say they devote to it!) and can think that dumpster diving for coupons is a healthy way to spend my time. (seriously again!)

It makes me wonder though how their families feel about it? Is the husband in the background rolling his eyes, like "Yeah, we get groceries for free, but my wife is working with one cookie less then a dozen?" Do you think the kids try to pretend that that's not their mom? What about friends? If you're a full time homemaker with three kids who already admits she devotes fifty hours in a week to couponing, does she have time to have friends? Or a facebook/twitter/LIFE?

And what about when the years pass, and those crazy couponers get older, and eventually (like every one does at some point) die? Who wants the eulogy that says she saved a bunch of money? Or the tombstone that says she liked her coupons? Does someone really want a lifetime supply of toilet paper willed to them? Or one hundred and fifty shampoos, or two hundred toothbrushes?

I can understand people wanting to save money, especially in this economy. But at some point, when does enough become enough? Wouldn't you stop once you reached ten deodorants? I mean, how smelly can one family be? And I get that people like free stuff. (Come on now, who doesn't like something for free?) But if you don't have a baby, why are you stocking up on diapers?

I guess I wonder that if saving money comes at the expense of spending family time, or hubby time, or friend time, is saving that dollar really worth it?

An Oldie From The Past

This is an old blog I wrote, when everyone used to use MySpace. (Remember that? It was only like 2 years ago!) The hubs and I survived, but barely. There was counseling, talking, and alot of rebuilding. I'm glad I did give him a second chance, even though at the time I really wanted to bury him in the backyard. But every relationship takes work, and effort, and every marriage is or better or for worse. It's easier to walk away when the going gets tough, but it's the true measure of a relationship if you can stick around.

Here we go again. This is what I won. This is the man that was mi vida, even tho apparently I'm not his.

He took money out of our wedding fund, and lied about doing it. He said his dad did. He confessed by leaving me an index card on my car. Four months before the wedding of my dreams, he left me a letter taped to the television calling off our wedding. He went for MIT training in Florida, and the night he got back, we talked about getting back together, and were even together (biblically). Two days later he told me he'd been seeing someone else, and actually picked her. He lied about paying bills, ranging from furniture to utility, and i never knew until I got phone calls or notices. He lied about talking to said girl over and over and over. Said he wasn't feeling good, and was just going home, and instead went out and got a DWI. Still lied about talking to said girl. Wrote down how much he loved her. Still lied about said girl. Finally we're supposed to be working things out and being together, and he never told anyone. I found her number in his phone when it shouldn't have been, and he lied and said she came into where he works and put it there. Actually found out that was a lie, cause he doesn't work Mondays. So he blamed said girl for his own cowardice. (Which he made me hate you, and for that I am sorry.) He's been teaching our son to lie. Found a brand new myspace he created to talk to said girl. The password for the account was the date they started hanging out. He said it wasn't what I thought, etc, etc. He said it was just a couple emails on myspace, and he was so sorry, and it was only a couple weeks. But i came to discover that he also created a brand new email address and had been talking to her for months, and made plans to hang out with her, and talked to her on the phone. So even when he was busted and caught, and trying to fix things and apologize, he still was lying. "Oh I don't turn my back on my friends." Really, cause I can think of a couple friends who really need you and i don't see you stalking them like this. "Oh when I say I love you to her its like when you say you love your friends." Really? Cause I didn't sleep with any of my friends. I didn't create brand new myspaces revolving soley around one of them. I'm not sneaking around and lying. But again, there was forgiveness. One last last last chance. "It'll never happen again, I'm done with her, she means nothing to me." So fine, we'll try to work this out. I actually thought that we did. I thought that this was a brand new start, and we were good. We got married. (His idea, not mine.) Then yesterday I discover that he's been using his dad's myspace account to talk to same said girl since January. In them he calls her mi vida (which, for those of you who don't know, means my life.) He says how much he misses her, and is thinking about her, and blah blah blah. Didn't tell her we got married might I add. And when I confront him? He says the same things over and over that he did all the other times he got caught. "I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. She means nothing to me. I love you." If she meant nothing to you, we wouldn't be going through this. If she means nothing to you, you wouldn't have to sneak around, you would be a man about it, and just say, she's my friend, deal with it. If she means nothing to you, you wouldn't go to such great lengths to hide what you say is just a friendship. If she means nothing to you, then why are you calling her my life??? "It's not what you think." Well, to those of you who read this, what would you think?? Prolly the same thing as me.

So here we are again. Right back where we started. For two years, he has been lying to me about everything. He even gets caught, and lies, and blames everyone and anyone he can so he doesn't look bad. He has never even told said girl why I dislike her, that it is all his fault. He says its my insecurities. So said girl thinks I'm crazy, and hates me because of him, like I think she won't leave him alone, because of him. (again, for that, I am sorry.)

I still hold the firm belief that you don't have to have sex to cheat. He is cheating. he is lying and sneaking, and getting sneakier (even tho not getting better at it.) He knew what would happen if I caught him lying again. And yet he risked it all, and for what? Oh, but he loves me. How? With half truths, and full fledged lies? By being a coward, not just to me, but to her? You love me by teaching an 8 year old to lie to his mother? You love me by constantly hurting me and disappointing me? You love me by breaking up our family? We took vows!

Its like we never went forward at all. We're still stuck in the same place that we've been in for two years. I am not his vida. I am second choice, or the because I'm here and she's not. I don't want to be a stand in. I'm tired of constantly busting him in all his lies, and hearing the same excuses over and over. I don't want to be sad anymore. And that's all he gives me. How many times should a person go thru this? He made me insecure. He made me hate someone for no reason. He made me question and doubt everything, and no one should live like that.

To this day I don't know how I managed to forgive him, or how we managed to get thru it. He really and truely has worked every day since then to make up for everything he did. He is beyond a doubt my best friend, and while no one is perfect, it strengthened us and our bond, and last week we celebrated our three year wedding anniversary!

I'm addicted to watching Food Network. Which is funny, since I can't cook for anything. No, seriously, I can't. I burn water! (Thankfully my husband fell in love with me before knowing this!) But I do love the Food Network, and all of it's shows. One of my favorites is Giada De Laurentis. She's this amazing Italian cook who always seems like she could whip up a six course meal blindfolded, with her hands tied behind her back, jumping on one leg.

I was watching one of her shows  few weeks ago, and her daughter was on. Now keep in mind, her daughter can't be older then two? Three? And I watched this adorable little girl sit down and eat things I couldn't even begin to pronounce. (Chick peas was an ingredient. Kale was too I think. Other then that, you got me!)

I thought, "What's her sercret?" How does she get her toddler to eat all these perfectly balanced and beautiful meals without so much as a fuss, a scream, a tantrum? My just turned two year old? He went thru a phase of only eating waffles. All day long. Morning, noon, night, and in between. We've managed to broaden his horizons a little, but he basically only wants carbs now. Pasta, pototoes, bread, waffles. If we can get him to eat a chicken nugget we call it a success.

We have followed the doctor's orders, you know, make him what we eat every time, and just keep putting it in front of him. That really doesn't work people. He shrieks because he doesn't want it, he then tries to feed it to us, and in the end, it's a standby of buttered noodles or french fries and apples for him.

I know it's a stage, and he's trying out his personality, and all the other things people say. But for a moment watching Giada, I have to admit there was a feeling of inadequacy. Like she can get her daughter to eat hearts of palm without a fuss, I'd be happy if #2 ate peanut butter! Or a carrot.  Or something green. (And does anyone even know what hearts of palm is? I'm not gonna lie, it sounds a bit scary, like some poor something or another had to die so you could eat it's heart. I think it's veggie..but maybe not.)

How'd she do it? Did she have to bribe her with a lifetime supply of trips to Disney world? Did they have to do thirty takes, and give her a big chocolate bunny before and after?  Did she put sugar on her daughters food and we just didn't see? Is it even possible for a toddler to not have a tantrum and eat everything and anything?

What about you? Any tricks, tips, or just plain funny stories about trying to get your child to eat?