Saturday, November 3, 2012

They are not like us!

I am obsessed with knowing what stars are doing.And I'm not talking about the night time stars. I buy US Weekly and In Touch and Life&Style like they're going out of style! It's one of the few vices I have left, and I cherish it.

But after being a faithful stalker (reader! I swear I meant reader!) you start to see a trend. It's those head slapping, WTF were you thinking moments that you think to yourself, "Really?? Don't you know any better?" And then you wonder if their "people" or entourage or whatever you call them do the same things.

So to all you future celebrities, or rock stars, or reality TV stars out there, here is a list of somethings you should never ever do when you become famous.

1. Leave the house with no drawers on. You would have thought this was a duh, but it's not. You would think that with all the money celebrities have, they could afford a pair of underwear. Because let's face it. No matter how properly you try and get out of a car, that micro mini you have on is going to ride up and flash your vajay to the whole world.

2. Spend millions and millions of dollars on crap, and then complain you're bankrupt. Does anyone really need a personal psychic, and healing crystals, and 5 homes, and the head of an old dinosaur? No. Do you need to spend 3x what a car is worth, just because a sheik owned it? I don't think so. Didn't they ever hear of saving it for a rainy day? Ok, go shopping and have expensive dinners, I get that because I can be a food snob. But seriously, quit complaining when you have no money left!

3 .Get mad when people wanna bring up the bad crap you did in the past, and then trash a dressing room to show how angry you are. That's not gonna help your image any. I'm just saying.

4. Spend more time in rehab and jail then you do on your career.

5. Cheat on your wife/husband etc, and then say you have a sex addiction. Now, yes, sex addiction is a real problem. People do suffer from it. But you can't tell me that every single celeb suffers from it. Just admit, I like sowing my oats. People would still think your an ass, but at least your an honest ass.

6. Show off your size zero body 2 weeks after giving birth. Speaking from experience, the last thing I want to do after having my kids is work out, or parade around in a bikini. Don't blame it on good genes, etc, cause that's just not possible. It also makes the rest of us feel inadequate and inferior, because we're covered in baby spit up and haven't slept in thirteen days.

7. Say you had to fix a deviated septum. Either all of these Hollywood starlets were dropped face down when they were younger, or they're lying. Just say, I hated my schnoz, and I wanted a cute one that doesn't look like Pinocchio's nose!

8. Get mad at the paparazzi. First, they have a job to do to. Second, if you didn't want people to star, gawk, and follow your every move, you should've become a school teacher. 

I could think of more, but I think you get the drift!


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